Disappointment is a normal part of life and our first experiences of it typically occur with our parents in some form or another, but for some, the consistency of disappointment becomes part of the core experience meaning that the disappointment and hurt is so consistent and painful, a core belief that we will always be disappointed and hurt is sown and rooted. Being disappointed and hurt becomes the truth, how life is, at least for the person in that situation.

I recently wrote a blog about understanding anger and I find that for myself, after having experienced a bout of anger, I shift into what I’ve dubbed a “rage hangover” which leaves me depleted, tired and, essentially, in a deep feeling of sadness.

Sadness is also often a result of another feeling, such as anger, stress, guilt, grief, anxiety or hopelessness. Sometimes, the other feeling may be so strong that you don’t realize that beneath it all, what you really are is sad. Gottman’s Feeling Wheel is a great resource to help name your feelings.

Today is my birthday and I was originally planning a whole week dedicated to the emotion of sadness, but this past week’s posts about anger have resonated so much with many folks, that I’m going to extend it for another week and push the next emotion of sadness out to the beginning of August.

It might seem strange to share a blog about sadness on my birthday, and my reasoning is that I often feel sad in the lead-up to the celebration of my birth. 

I wasn’t always like this! 

I have this intimate complicated relationship with anger. For as long as I can remember, it’s been there, ever present by my side. And for as long as I can remember, I have never fully allowed it to be expressed as a normal emotion worthy of space within me. I would imagine my own expression of anger, of rage as destructive, like a veritable atom bomb of emotion destroying all in my path, including myself.

The term “anxiety'' gets thrown around quite a bit these days. Partially because it’s become more acceptable to openly discuss mental health issues, but also because it seems to be turning into a catch-all for expressions of discomfort.

There is normal anxiety which is intermittent and is expected based on certain events or situations.

I started writing this with a specific memory of what I thought was my first anxiety attack when all of a sudden I remembered a different time from earlier in my life, but I’m inclined to share my starting point nonetheless to help show how this can occur in my sessions with clients – you come in thinking one event is the genesis of the issue, when really it’s much earlier and usually lurking somewhere in the unconscious, waiting for something to unlock it.