The Call Of Your Soul's Purpose
What’s my purpose? Decades spent asking myself that question, looking at others around me who seemed to have everything figured out, only to go from career to career, feeling unfulfilled in each but sticking around for the money, until even that wasn’t enough to get me through it.
I started getting more clarity in my 30’s, having coaching as a side hustle while I worked my “real” job that gave me the sense of security I needed as a single Mom. The joke was on me though, because no job is truly secure and I got laid off, prompting me to explore my second venture into working for myself a second time (the first time was an epic failure). 6 months into that second venture, the uncertainty got to me and a opted for another “guarantee of income”.
Another great learning opportunity outside of my comfort zone, and never quite aligned with what felt as purposeful as the side-hustle I had going on. Then, once again, my illusions of security were shattered when yet again, my job was eliminated. I was beginning to think that my specialty was the fork in the road.
This time felt different; I’d just experienced a life-altering/near-ending event aside from a job-los and if anything was clear to me, it was that I couldn’t do anything more that wasn’t aligned with my own soul purpose, even if I still wasn’t entirely clear on what it was. All I knew is that I couldn’t just take another job just so I could pay the bills.
You hear about these stories a lot when you’re trying to get inspired out of a place of fear; these stories about faith and trust that the universe will provide. OK that’s nice and all, but when you decide to NOT take just ANY job to pay the bills, the reality is that YOU STILL NEED TO PAY THOSE BILLS! Well shit! This was certainly an issue for me since I had rent due every month and employment insurance wasn’t covering all those expenses.
I was terrified.
And I knew I had to keep going down this particular path because I’d ignored the call of “My Soul’s Purpose” for long enough. I acknowledge that this can also come across as extremely indulgent; “Oh poor you, you can’t do it if it’s not on purpose” insert eye-roll here. I know. But I just couldn’t, not after everything I’d gone through in the previous year. That sense of self-indulgence is what kept me going, I had to have faith that this call I felt so strongly was the right direction to move in.
Faith is a funny word with so many different associations to it, primarily religious, but in this instance, I was attributing it to complete trust and confidence in myself which is something I’d never done with consistency before. I believe that this is because we’re not really taught how to have this internal faith. Think of all the institutions and societal structures we’re taught from a young age to put our faith in; governments, churches, schools, banks etc. (LOL, yeah, that’s working out really well isn’t it? I’ll save the rabbit-hole of that discussion for another post though). Each one of those has failed us in significant ways. But never have I experienced failure when I shift that faith inwards, connecting to that part of me that knows the way, even when it’s a faint whisper.
And so I listened to that whisper from my Soul. I listened every day, taking steps towards where I thought it was leading me and slowly but surely it got louder. I still experienced doubt on a daily basis, especially when I got to the point where I was certain I couldn’t scrape rent together, like, for real this time. In that moment of doubt, I was presented with two options: a shiny government job with full pay & benefits, or a contract for the work I’d been cultivating over the years. The contract paid less than the government job. There was no guarantee of income, only potential for growth. Once again, I was being offered a choice.
I’d worked in government before and I knew what I’d be walking into. Working in government had made me sick. And still I was frozen on the threshold of this decision. It felt irresponsible of me to even entertain the contract at this point. THE CONTRACT FOR WORK I’D BEEN POURING MY FAITH INTO FOR 6 MONTHS. When I thought of doing that work, my entire being lit up, I felt excited and nervous and expansive. And still my decision didn’t feel obvious because the doubt was creeping back in.
So I took a pause and reconnected to myself, I had to silence everything on the outside so I could hear that whisper get louder once again, the Soul’s whisper of purpose that was calling, that had been VERY clear about what I needed to do 6 months prior, and several times before that. We’re born onto this planet with a purpose, some more externally visible than others, but none should be minimized or ignored. To listen to what calls from deep within is one of the most sacred ways to honour yourSelf and what you came here to do.
Some days I am so overwhelmed with appreciation that I get to do the work I get to do now, working with people on a daily basis to help them connect and hear their own Soul’s whispers of purpose. I am so grateful that I took the time to listen, and now it seems that everything lined up in such a way that I really had no choice.
XO Jessica